If you are just starting out a relationship with a new person,
or you're going out with someone you hardly know, it can be exciting. The thrill of not knowing what kind of person your date will be underneath the surface can surely make a first date more interesting, but many people worry about what kind of baggage is lurking underneath a person's appearance as well. You may end up loving your date, or it may turn out that you're not companionable with them at all. But it is important to follow some easy tips that will show you how to recognize baggage in a date, from the specific, to the generic.
Commitment issues
If you can get a sense of their longest lasting relationship, of how frequent their relationships are and last, it can help you spot any commitment related baggage. Having a lot of short-termed relationships can mean they have commitment issues, or that they are hard to get along with.
Barriers
Whether it through their body language, or their short answers, these can be a sign of having intimacy or trust concerns. They most likely got into a relationship before they properly healed from the last one, and may have difficulty giving you the intimacy you desire.
Mysterious callers
It’s common that throughout a date, phone calls happen. Sometimes it’s work and can’t be ignored, other times it’s just a friend. However if it happens a lot and your date doesn't explain who's calling, it can be a sign that there may be more to their story than they're letting you know.
Bring up the question, “how did that make you feel”? After statements they make. If they never open up about their emotions or always give responses that are completely detached from any emotions, it can be a sign that they are cold, distant, or emotionally unavailable.
Doesn't talk about their past
If their past never comes up, it can be a sign that they're hiding something from you, or they have some sort of hidden baggage. You can try talking about your past and how it's made you the person you are today in order to get the conversation rolling. See if they participate with their story.
Doesn't want you to meet their friends
It can out of a fear that they might blurt something out that your date doesn't want you to know about, or it may be that they don't see a long-term relationship with you.
Doesn’t have many long-term friends
This may just be that they don't get along with people. This can mean that they have poor conflict resolution abilities.
Poking in the right area
You can probe and poke at the right questions casually to see if any baggage behavior is aroused. Get into topics of money, chores, sex, or their current relationship with their exes. Don’t just talk about the weather. The key is to make it appear natural that it came up in discussion. If they haven’t forgiven their last ex, it’s a sign that previous offenses can be put onto current relationships.
Reeling them in
Spotting baggage can be aided by asking the right questions. Say for example you want to find out about their money, asking the right questions and bringing up the right topics can give away their side of the story if they aren't careful. Just don't be too apparent with your intentions. You can try bringing up the conversation about yourself first, see if they will follow in.
Watching how they care for others
Where they may be polite and a gentleman with you, it could be just a show. Watch how they care for other people or see if they are rude to the waiter. This is a clear sign that the way they treat you is just a show they put on and will only last during the beginning phases of a relationship.
Their friends
If throughout the discussion you can get the names of their friends, it can be useful to you. Where someone may be careful to watch their Facebook profile carefully, their buddies may not care so much. Checking out a friend of your date’s Facebook profile can sometimes be more enlightening than the date himself.
Odd comments
If they make odd comments, complaints, or compliments about things that you find strange, chances are that they have something a little bit more to hide. Either that or they're really nervous. You can test them by elaborating further on the issue that they slipped up on. Go along with their comment as if it’s ok with you, and see if they dig a deeper hole for themselves.
Too defensive
Being overly defensive or getting too easily offended can be a sign of baggage. To figure out what could have set them off, try to look at a remark that you may have previously pointed out, this can give you a clue about what they are dealing with.
Watch their Body Language
Body language can mean different things from; being cold, defensive, distant, uninterested, or judgemental. It's important to watch for repeated behavior to be sure they aren't just nervous.
With some practice, you'll be able to spot all kinds of baggage on a date that will tip you off that the person you're with may not be worth your time. Regardless, remember to have a good time of your first few dates even if it doesn't work out in the long run.
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